with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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