Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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