my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
