end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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