im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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