Already got asked if we're dating
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Randomize
