sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm passing your future prison.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
