If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Text me some of your sweat
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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