Will you blow on my dice?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
