the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
