Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
