every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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