i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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