Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He did a backflip because drugs
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