so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
where are my eyebrows?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
