Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize