Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
