wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
