last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
