oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
