I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
