My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
