i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize