he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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