smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
