my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
