The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
