I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
