hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
