I must be too annoying 4 u.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
