I'm really into asian looking animals
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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