id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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