my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
