why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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