Too much gin, very little bucket
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
