Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize