I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
