So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
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Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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