so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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