the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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