update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize