Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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