He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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