I like my sex mixed with concussions.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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