***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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