I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
