i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
