She announced her abortion via fbk
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
