Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
