Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We talked him into tasing himself.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
