new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
