i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
