My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize