i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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