Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
