new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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