What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
