I wish I only lived at night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
