I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
