You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize