You're my little dorito
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
