Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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