If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
being pregnant is like rehab
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
