If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
