He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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