His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
