is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
