Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
