Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
