Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
