It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize