piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
