I cockslap morals
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
