I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
