Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
