Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
