She is in my trunk
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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